Recovery Patterns of CoDA
What it is like...
Here is a list of the Recovery Patterns when working the program of CoDependents Anonymous.
The Recovery Patterns of CoDA
The following checklist is offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. It may be particularly helpful to newcomers as they begin to understand codependency. It may aid those who have been in recovery a while to determine what traits still need attention and transformation.
In Recovery. . . :
• I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment. I know the difference between my thoughts and feelings.
• I embrace my feelings; they are valid and important.
• I know the difference between caring and caretaking. I recognize that caretaking others is often motivated by a need to benefit myself.
• I am able to feel compassion for another’s feelings and needs.
• I acknowledge that I may own the negative traits I often perceive in others.
• I acknowledge that I sometimes need the help of others.
• I am aware of my painful feelings and express them appropriately.
• I am able to express my feelings openly, directly, and calmly.
• I pursue intimate relationships only with others who want, and are able to engage in, healthy and loving relationships.
Low Self-esteem Patterns
In Recovery. . . :
• I trust my ability to make effective decisions.
• I accept myself as I am. I emphasize progress over perfection.
• I feel appropriately worthy of the recognition, praise, or gifts I receive.
• I value the opinions of those I trust, without needing to gain their approval. I have confidence in myself.
• I recognize myself as being a lovable and valuable person.
• I seek my own approval first, and examine my motivations carefully when I seek approval from others.
• I continue to take my personal inventory, and when I am wrong, promptly admit it.
• I am honest with myself about my behaviors and motivations. I feel secure enough to admit mistakes to myself and others, and to hear their opinions without feeling threatened.
• I meet my own needs and wants when possible. I reach out for help when it’s necessary and appropriate.
• I perceive myself as equal to others.
• With the help of my Higher Power, I create safety in my life.
• I avoid procrastination by meeting my responsibilities in a timely manner.
• I am able to establish and uphold healthy priorities and boundaries in my life.
In Recovery. . . :
• I am committed to my safety and leave situations that feel unsafe or are inconsistent with my goals.
• I am rooted in my own values, even if others don’t agree or become angry.
• I consider my interests and feelings when asked to participate in another’s plans.
• I can separate my feelings from the feelings of others. I allow myself to experience my feelings and others to be responsible for their feelings.
• I respect my own opinions and feelings and express them appropriately.
• My sexuality is grounded in genuine intimacy and connection. When I need to feel loved, I express my heart’s desires. I do not settle for sex without love.
• I ask my Higher Power for guidance, and consider possible consequences before I make decisions.
• I stand in my truth and maintain my integrity, whether others approve or not, even if it means making difficult changes in my life.
In Recovery. . . :
• I realize that, with rare exceptions, other adults are capable of managing their own lives.
• I accept the thoughts, choices, and feelings of others, even though I may not be comfortable with them.
• I give advice only when asked.
• I am content to see others take care of themselves.
• I carefully and honestly contemplate my motivations when preparing to give a gift.
• I embrace and celebrate my sexuality as evidence of my health and wholeness. I do not use it to gain the approval of others.
• I develop relationships with others based on equality, intimacy, and balance.
• I find and use resources that meet my needs without making demands on others. I ask for help when I need it, without expectation.
• I behave authentically with others, allowing my caring and compassionate qualities to emerge.
• I ask directly for what I want and need and trust the outcome to my Higher Power. I do not try to manipulate outcomes with blame or shame.
• I cooperate, compromise, and negotiate with others in a way that honors my integrity.
• I treat others with respect and consideration, and trust my Higher Power to meet my needs and desires.
• I use my recovery for my own growth and not to manipulate or control others.
• My communication with others is authentic and truthful.
In recovery. . . :
• I act in ways that encourage loving and healthy responses from others.
• I keep an open mind and accept others as they are.
• I engage in emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy when it is healthy and appropriate for me.
• I practice my recovery to develop healthy and fulfilling relationships.
• I use direct and straightforward communication to resolve conflicts and deal appropriately with confrontations.
• When I use the tools of recovery, I am able to develop and maintain healthy relationships of my choosing.
• I embrace my own vulnerability by trusting and honoring my feelings and needs.
• I welcome close relationships while maintaining healthy boundaries.
• I believe in and trust a power greater than myself. I willingly surrender my self-will to my Higher Power.
• I honor my authentic emotions and share them when appropriate.
• I freely engage in expressions of appreciation toward others.
The Recovery Patterns of Codependence may not be reprinted or republished without the express written consent of Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. This document may be reprinted from the website www.coda.org (CoDA)
for use by members of the CoDA Fellowship.
Copyright © 2010 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. All rights reserved